


Into the wild

by little_frodo



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Drugs, Falling In Love, M/M, Running Away, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-08-30 06:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8521888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_frodo/pseuds/little_frodo
Summary: Jesse knows: one day, he has to tell Mr. White.





	1. In my head

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> You guys liked my last story, so I guess I'm trying to build a whole story and not just an one shot. I hope you like it! Grammar is a bitch, so please be gentle, english isn't my native language! ;)

_You can't tell him. No, you can't. But if you do, you'll probably feel a bit better._

 

Jesse chewed his lower lip and stared at the wall of his bed room. No, this was everything but easy. Telling someone that you feel how you feel is never easy, but telling somebody who had been your former teacher and was now working with you... Oh, that was something that was normally just set up in nightmares. 

 

And this here was Jesses nightmare.

 

He lightly exhaled and gazed over to his night table. One pack of cigarettes was still lying there, untouched. He hadn't smoked for hours which was more than unusual for him. Should he just have one?

 

Jesse leaned back against the cold wall and closed his eyes. Silence was all around him, surrounding him like his steady and scaring thoughts. He didn't remember how long he had been sitting here – a few hours, maybe. 

 

Everything in his head – really everything – was turning around Mr. White.

 

Since weeks and weeks and months and months. Nothing but Mr. White.

 

First, he had ignored these feelings and these thoughts that were slowly building up in his body and his mind. He wasn't able to accept it, to accept everything – several grueling drug sessions and break downs later he had to admit: he was in love. 

 

Totally in love.

 

Irrevocably in love.

 

Not just that it was a man that he had fallen for – no, it was the only man that Jesse had always been sure of that he would NEVER EVER fall for: Mr. White, his former teacher in fucking chemistry. A true nightmare. He knew that girls in high school were always fallen in love with their teachers... but not men. And not Jesse.

 

“Fuck”, he said quietly and stood up to grab the pack of cigarettes on the night table. He opened the small door that lead to the balcony and exhaled a big cloud of smoke into the dark and quiet night. When he looked up to the stars, he somehow felt wrong at this place although this was his home.

 

_ Maybe, _ he thought, _ maybe something is missing. _

 

The next day started terrible – he had overslept. This has happened several times now since he was working with Mr. White at the labor in the laundry – and it was such a fight every damn time it had happened. Mr. White hated unpunctuality – and he always held a lecture whenever Jesse was only a few minutes too late. 

 

When Jesse jumped out of bed and tried to put his jeans on – he needed at least two tries until he was wearing it the right way – he was sure that today was not going to be his best day. 

 

_ He's going to kill me, I know it. So I won't tell him today. I won't tell him anyways.  _

 

On the way to the labor he nearly had an accident with his car. Three people shouted at him, and Jesse did nothing but speeding up his car until no one was able to get after him anymore. When he finally reached the labor, he was about one hour too late.

 

“Yo, Mr. White... sorry for arriving this late, I had a terrible night and...”, Jesse began, but it didn't took long until he heard Mr. white breathing heavy and lowering his head.

 

“Jesse... I don't know what to do with you. Seriously, this is the third time in about one month that you're running late. I'm not...”

 

“Well, three times isn't a lot in a month, tho. Remember high school when I....”

 

“Jesse, no! I do remember it, yes, but you're a god damn adult now. Just fix your life and be punctual the next time.”

 

“I don't need to fix anything yo...” Jesse whispered.

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

They were working quietly next to each other for nearly the whole day. The only words they swapped were about working steps, but Jesse knew that Mr. White was not amused about his behavior. He knew that he was not easy – but what should he do?

 

_ Tell him something. Beg for holiday. Just to get the fuck out of this room, out of this place where he is all over. Leave. Just look at him, damn, Jesse, how the fuck can you just like this man? _

 

Jesse gazed over to Mr. White who was working at a big bowl. His glasses were mist up – the steam was all over and nearly covered the older man. His face showed his typical expression: highly concentrated and Jesse knew that Mr. Whites mind was full of chemistry right now, full of forms and difficult math stuff that Jesse was not able to understand. 

 

_ Luckily he hasn't any idea of how I feel. What would he do? Throw me out of this place? Just act like nothing happened? Or, even worse: act like I am just a small teenage girl flirting with someone I can't even get in this life. What a fucked up day.  _

 

His heart made a jump when he suddenly heard that Mr. White was talking to him.

 

“What?”, he said and watched Mr. White who stood nearly next to him. Mr. White rolled his eyes and moaned. 

 

“Jesse...can you at least just listen once when I say something? I said you can have a break. The sodium needs to rest a bit.”

 

Mr. Whites voice was low and had a little bit of curtness in it; when Jesse met his eyes, he seemed to be unimpressed. Jesse watched a few seconds before he looked down on the ground and scratched his neck.

 

“m' sorry, I'm just... the last time has been.. I dunno. Just sorry, okay?”, Jesse said with a small hint of bitterness in his voice. 

 

He felt that Mr. White was watching him.

 

_ Shit, don't look. No. You know what's happening to you when you do. _

 

Jesse looked up again.

 

_ Fuck, you did. Idiot. _

 

Jesse felt his heart beating faster, and small waves of pure excitement were running down his spine. Slowly and intense. He even felt this in his toes and in his stomach – as if a thousand needles were softly picking the skin. Deep inside.

 

Mr. White smelled fantastic.

 

“You know you can tell me when something is wrong, Jesse. I've noticed that something is not right with you.”

 

Jesse watched the small vein on Mr. Whites jaw and swallowed. No, this was not right. And this here was the most terrifying feeling in the world.

 

He felt his hands slowly starting to shake, so he put his hands into the pockets of his jeans. 

 

“I'm just- … I don't know, I'm fucked up. But it's alright, Mr. White. Nothing to worry, tho.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Jesse bit his lips and exhaled – so, there it was. The moment were he finally could say something. The truth.

 

_ How to start this? Mr. White, yo, you know I love you? You know I dream of you, and just your face... your face is everywhere. Everywhere I go, everywhere I am, your face is always in my head. Can we fucking run away from this place and start a new life? Can we? Never looking back and escape. Running into the wild. _

 

He swallowed and gazed over to the clock on the wall.

 

“Yeah. What about pizza?"

 


	2. Head against heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the Kudos!
> 
> Was so happy to see some of you liked the story. So let's move on!  
> Btw: Does somebody know how I can upload pictures for the story?
> 
> Have fun guys!

„Tastes good, tho.“, Jesse said in his lowest voice while he ate a piece of the warm pizza. The pizza was really good – indeed, Jesse only enjoyed it because Mr. White was there. He hadn't eaten for days. Only shit like cereal. This was probably the first warm meal in three days.

 

“Yes, it is. But I know some better place where they sell real big ones. I got one last week for my family.”, Mr. White answered with a smile.

 

Jesse swallowed.

 

_ Ah, family. The most fucked up word in the world. Shit, I hate it when he talks about his family. His damn wife.  _

 

Jesse had seen her only a few times and just short. Even if he hadn't been in love with Mr. White, he would have hated her. Cold eyes, cold soul. And her gazes said everything: a mix of pity and devaluation. Jesse hadn't talked to her, not even a friendly hello, because he felt what she thought of him. And this wife was the one who shared a damn bed with Mr. White.

 

“Family, alright. So.. um... how is it going? Like with your son and... and your wife...?”, Jesse asked and tried to avoid Mr. Whites gaze. It was horrifying enough to talk about this. It was tearing a deep hole in his chest every time he talked about it, heard about it, saw something – like one time, on a sunday, when he had been about to visit Mr. White and saw him kissing his wife. It was the first time where he had this deep pain and was one of the moments of realization. 

 

Mr. White smiled and took another bite before he answered in his steady, slow but happy tone.

 

“It's all good, Jesse. Walter Jr. is not the best one in school, but he for sure goes his way. You know he has a few problems, but... you know, kids go through this. I help him a lot. Nd Skyler is also well. We plan another... well, not the time to tell you now.”

 

The smile said everything, Jesse knew it by only watching Mr. Whites lips simulating this and trying to hide the joy. The joy of something new. Jesse watched Mr. White a few seconds long before he lowered his head and looked at his pizza.

 

Suddenly, the appetite was gone. Completely. 

 

“Not the time to tell me? I think I already know, yo.”

 

“You do? I don't think so, Jesse. I nearly never talk about family and all that private things going on. We strictly separate private and work...”

 

“Yeah, we do. But I know. It's written in your face Mr. White. On your damn forehead.” Jesses tried to stay calm, but the inner rage was coming up to fast. 

 

_ God damn, calm down. You sound like a little princess not getting her will. Calm the fuck down. You don't care. _

 

Mr. White stopped eating his meal for one moment and slightly gazed over to Jesse. His eyes reminded Jesse of something that he himself felt deep inside. Or he was just fucked up again because of the theme.

 

“You think you know? No, you don't.”

 

“I do, yo!”

 

“Then tell me.”

 

_ No, you don't want to talk about it. You don't want to see this damn happiness in his eyes. No way.  _

 

Jesse leaned back in his chair and watched Mr. White. He ignored the upcoming waves of pure prickle that were running through his body.

 

“You're gonna get another baby, don't you? Make her pregnant, yeah?” Jesses voice was not in his nicest mood, but he didn't care. 

 

Mr. White scratched his eyebrow and straighten out his glasses. 

 

“Well...” he said, and Jesse knew that he was right.

 

When he saw Mr. White smiling brightly, he tried as well. But somehow it didn't worked out well. His smile was more like a sad mask.

 

“Hope it will work, Mr. White. 's time for work, I'll go.”

 

“You haven't eaten your pizza.”

 

“I'm not that hungry.”

 

Jesse felt Mr. White looking after him while walking out of the room, but he didn't turn around. No, no need for that. The happy family thing had been pain enough for another drug session.

 

When they finished work and went out of the laundry, Jesse inhaled deeply and searched his pants for his cigarettes. Mr. White stopped next to him.

 

“I'll pick you up tomorrow. I don't want you to come late again.”, Mr. White said in a tone that was not made for any discussions.

 

“What? No way, yo, I can get to work by my fucking own.”, he answered, but Mr. White started walking to his car.

 

“8 am.”

 

“What the fuck? Middle of the night!”, Jesse nearly screamed, but Mr. White just drove away.

 

_ Oh yeah, great, you bitch. The only thing that's missing now is you picking me up with damn family. _

 

 

 

This night, Jesse dreamed about Mr. White again, feeling his skin next to him, feeling his breath on his skin, on his chest, in his neck. Feeling Mr. White pressing his body onto Jesses, whispering promises that only they were understanding. 

 

When he woke up the next morning, he had a hard on. And without thinking, he grabbed his dick and began pumping it, first slow, then faster, rubbing it up and down, up and down, until he came with a small moan.

 

It was exactly 8 am, when Jesse heard the doorbell ringing. He rolled his eyes and went to the door, although he was not really ready. He had a cigarette hanging in his mouth ankle, sucking deep at the cigarette, and was wearing only a white tshirt and his baggy pants. 

 

“Yo, good morning, Mr. W.”, Jesse said when he opened up the door and saw a not so amused Mr. White standing in his entry. 

 

“Jesse, can we go?”

 

“Yeah, just need to pick up my jacket.”

 

“Good.”

 

He took his time walking to the wardrobe and feeling Mr. Whites eyes on him.

 

“Hurry, Jesse. I still need to talk to you before work.”

 

“Yeah, calm down, old man.”

 

Jesse took his jacket and followed Mr. White to his car. When he sat down and they started driving, Jesse was quiet. He looked out of the window, watching houses passing them. He could smell Mr. Whites aftershave, and it was the one he loved the most.

 

_ Should I tell him? _

 

“Mr. white... um.. your.. aftershave, it smells really good.”

 

_ God, what was that? A girl could have said this better. _

 

Mr. White shortly gazed over to Jesse and seemed lightly confused.

 

“Ah, okay. Thank you, Jesse. I only use it sometimes. Skyler doesn't like it. But she wasn't home today.”

 

_ Skyler...  _

 

“Well, I do like it.”

 

“Thanks, son.”

 

Jesse inhaled and leaned back into his seat. He lightly stroked his forehead with one hand and looked over to Mr. White, his heart beating fast.

 

“Mr. White... I think I have to tell you something, too. Later, you know.. at work.”

 

“Of course we can talk.”

 

“Yeah...”

 

_ Oh my god, okay, what the fuck did you say? You're not planning this really, are you? _

 

“Maybe we can have a chat with some beer later... “, Jesse added, still watching Mr. White.

 

Mr. White looked on the streets, but Jesse saw the little smile in the corner of the mouth. 

 

“Good idea.”

 

 

 

 

It was really happening. There they were.

 

Mr. White was sitting on Jesses couch in the living room, a cold beer in his hands. Jesse was sitting next to him; there were only a few movements between them, and it was something that made Jesse more than nervous. He was overheated.

 

He took another sip of his beer before he moved closer to Mr. White. He knew it was risky. And he knew it might be wrong. But these moments made clear to him: he had no other chance to stop his heart from beating, his nerves from dying. 

 

Mr. White looked at him.

 

“Jesse.”, he said, but Jesse shook his head.

 

“Listen, Mr. White. I know I've been strange the last few weeks, but I... I can't talk about it. Not now. Everything I want you to know is that I really like working with you and I've learned so much and I feel... I feel better. Better than in all these years I've had before.”

 

Mr. White smiled lightly and put one hand on Jesses shoulder.

 

“I know, son, I know. Life's never easy.”

 

Jesse watched Mr. White, feeling the weight of his hands on his shoulder. Was this reality? The hand was warm and felt like it belonged there. And this innocent touch was arousing him more than every heavy breathing girl underneath him.

 

He tried to ignore his goose bumps that were rising up. He hoped that Mr. White would not recognize it.

 

“No, it's not. You know, I've been... I don't want to get you into any trouble at work because I'm fucking late and stuff.”

 

“But you don't take any drugs?”

 

“No, I don't. I swear.”

 

Silence between them, only the sound of Mr. White taking a sip of his beer was in the air. And Jesse, who was swallowing so hard they could hear.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“Nothing. I'm just.. Nothing.”

 

“No, something is really bringing you down, doesn't it? Jesse, you can tell me.”

 

“No, I can't.”

 

He tried to move away from the situation, trying to get away from Mr. White. From this nearness that was making him crazy. He began to sweat.

 

And suddenly felt Mr. Whites hand on his neck.

 

“Jesse, calm down. It's just me.”

 

_ Yeah, just you! Fucking you. You fucking need to go, or I can't hide what I feel and who I am. I can't. You're killing me. God, you're killing me. _

 

“You have to go. Really. Now.”

 

“Why? I'm still having a beer.”

 

Jesse felt his own body rebelling against his head. He breathed hard and started trembling, which was for sure not making this situation any better.

 

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

 

There was a loud sound when Mr. White smashed his beer on the table and jumped up.

 

“Whatever is wrong with you, get it fixed.”

 

Not knowing what to do right now, Jesse watched Mr. White grabbing his jacket and walking strictly to the front door. When Mr. White put his hand on the door knob, he suddenly felt his feet moving.

 

Just right towards Mr. White.

 

_ Don't you dare, Jesse Pinkman. You're not about to do this. _

 

He wasn't able to think in these seconds while he walked towards Mr. White. He even didn't think about what he did.

 

There was only Mr. White.

 

His nearness, his eyes on Jesse that looked of course confused.

 

Before Mr. White was able to open the door, Jesse stood in front of it and blocked the way out.

 

“So, suddenly no leaving? Are you drunk or something?”, Mr. White said, but Jesse didn't answered.

 

He just took one step forward, clasped his hand around Mr. Whites face, pulled him close, so close he wasn't able to breath, and kissed him hard.

 


	3. Is this real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everybody who's been reading this story! A small update today, I hope you guys like it! :)

The next thing Jesse felt was the sharp burning of a slap on the face.

 

He bit his lip – Mr. White had broken the kiss before he had smacked Jesse. He wasn't able to keep his eyes on Mr. Whites face. He knew what was in there.

 

“Never ever do that again, Jesse. I don't know what's wrong with you the last time... But this right here is not the solution. Fix your problems, damn. See you at work.”

 

These were the only words that Mr. White said, as sharp as the burning on Jesses cheek. Just one moment after he was gone, and Jesse stood alone in the hallway and didn't know what to do.

 

The hot burning of tears in his eyes reminded him of what he had done – a terrible mistake. How should he ever be able to look in Mr. Whites eyes again?

 

“Fuck!”, he whispered, knowing that no one except him was here. Suddenly, he felt more than miserable. What kind of life was this? Where every step towards love and every step towards the man he loved was a huge step backwards? Backwards into pain, loneliness and drugs.

 

_ Yeah, you need that now. You do. This moment was one of the most embarrassing things you've done since the last ten years. Yeah, Jesse, you lost it.  _

 

Jesse felt his lips trembling, and although his head told him to do not, he walked up the stairs and went to the bed room. The night table was so close now after he stood in front of it – so close.

 

He had always kept a bit of meth in this table. Just for the case something was bringing him down. And now, he was more than down. Smashed down. Broken.

 

_ You've been so far with this by now. Do you really need it? It is your last piece and you know how hard it is to get a new one without Mr. White recognizing it. _

 

_ Mr. White. _

 

_ Damn, he slapped you, right in the face. Right after you kissed him. Don't you think this was enough? He doesn't want you. No one does. Ever recognized you're alone? Who wants a fucking drug addict? A man who isn't even able to do anything right... _

 

He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he finally took the last step towards the night table and opened the small drawer.

 

_ Only just one little piece won't make me high again. Just enough to forget this situation. _

 

 

 

 

Rrrring. Riiiing.

 

A sigh and a quiet grumble was everything that Jesse was able to do when he woke up from the sound of his alarm clock. Was it morning?

 

He grumbled again. His head felt like it was exploding, and he felt sick.

 

The soft ground on which he was lying showed him that he was on the bed, still wrapped in his clothes. When he carefully opened one eye, he saw that the meth was completely empty.

 

“God damn... Fuck...”

 

He voice sounded terrible, just as if he had been partying for about three days in a row. 

 

“He's going to kill me....”, he whispered, still lying down and feeling his head pumping.

 

 

The next time he woke up was when his phone was ringing. And without looking at the screen, Jesse knew who it was.

 

It took him about a few seconds to answer the call, still one hand on his forehead because the incoming sunlight was hurting his eyes.

 

“Yo”, he said quietly, and shot his eyes tightly when he heard Mr. White angrily shouting at him on the phone.

 

“Where the damn are you, Jesse? It's about ten and I'm about to fucking kick your ass if you're not here in the next ten minutes.”

 

Jesse took a moment for the answer, exhaling and feeling his heart beating. 

 

_ God damn, stop, he doesn't want you. _

 

“I'm fucking... yo, Mr. White, I'm sick. I can't fucking move anything. I'm out for today. Really. I'm fucking...”

 

“You're not! Yesterday, everything was alright. Can you drive? You won't stay home today. I need your help at the labor.”

 

“No, I can't drive, damn, I'm out. Yo, just fuck off.”

 

The sound of the busy tone was slamming into his ear. He said one last “Fuck you, too!!”, before he smashed his phone away and rolled over to the other side.

 

Ten minutes later he heard someone knocking at the front door.

 

“Jesse!”

 

What a noisily voice this man had whenever he was angry, Jesse thought, really angry. Better stand up now.

 

“JESSE!!”

 

“Yo, shut the fuck up, I'm already on my way...”, he shouted and went downstairs although his head felt like it was exploding in the next seconds.

 

When he opened the door, his eyes pressed nearly shut, he only recognized the outlines of Mr. Whites tall body.

 

He first thought he might get a second smash on the face like the night before, but Mr. White only stared at him.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

Jesse inhaled and tried to watch Mr. White, but the sunlight was too strong. And in fact, when he suddenly felt his cheeks turning red, he thought it might not be the best idea to provoke anything right now.

 

“I'm... sick, like I said. I need my bed.. and stuff.”

 

“After yesterday, yes. Of course. No way, Jesse. You put your damn shoes on right now and get into the car. You can have one day off tomorrow, but not today. Gustavo needs us. No time for sickness.”, Mr White said while he watched Jesses standing there, pale and nevertheless red cheeked. 

 

Jesse needed one moment before he answered.

 

“Yeah, alright. Just lemme get my shoes.”

 

Mr. White nodded and stepped back to go to the car again, while Jesse went inside and put his shoes on. One second before he went out of the door, he just sat there and inhaled deeply.

 

_ It can't be true that your heart is even pounding faster than ever before. Fuck, love is killing me. He is killing me. Somebody rip my heart out. _

 

He stroked his hoodie sleeve carefully and tried to hide his tears from himself, softly pushing them away until he found the force to get up and step out into the bright sunlight to sit next to the man he was sure to never get in this life.

 


	4. Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after working to much and having some nice holidays with the family around christmas, I'm finally back. Hope you enjoy the new chapter! :) Thanks for all of your kudos!

There was one feeling in the world that was more insecure and scaring than fear: sitting next to someone who didn't love you back the way you were loving him. It was like a deep scratch hidden in the body, somewhere where once a heart had been.

 

And Jesse knew: something was broken after that night.

 

He wasn't saying any word. He tried to breath calm and steady, still feeling his head contracting with the rhythms of wild pain from last night. 

 

_ Make sure to not puke right now. It can't go more embarrassing than this situation. What is he thinking?  _

 

Jesse shortly gazed over to Mr. White, who was having his gaze strict on the road in front of him. He was driving calm, but somehow not with his mind. As if this was a ride with a bus full of strangers.

 

Strangers.

 

Right word for this situation.

 

Jesse exhaled deeply and leaned back his head. God, his head was exploding. He softly raised some fingers and started pressing them on his temples. 

 

“You need a girlfriend, Jesse.”

 

The words came without any warning. Although Jesses heart started jumping so hard it hurt, he didn't opened up his eyes. He just moaned.

 

“I don't.”

 

“You do. You can't move on like this. You know, I was young a long time ago, too. And I know these strange feelings. But I can't response to this, Jesse. Try to get your mind free, do something with beautiful girls. It will give you help, you'll feel better and...” Mr White said, and from the sound of his voice Jesse knew that he was trying to sound nice and somehow like a dad to him.

 

Jesse opened his eyes and gazed over to Mr. White.

 

“Mr. White, I know you mean this... I don't know. But I don't want any girls. I can't change what I feel. I haven't chosen this. I really didn't. It was a surprise and a lot of... you know, anger and depression to deal with this. I cannot change this from one day to the other.”

 

“I know son. But.... You will get used to this some day.”

 

Mr. White shrugged his shoulders and tried to smile friendly.

 

“Maybe, yeah.”

 

“Not maybe, you will be. It takes some time, like everything in life.”

 

“Oh yeeah, thank you big grandpa. What do I get for christmas, paps?” Jesse answered mildly, and Mr. White laughed.

 

It was the first time in weeks that Jesse heard him really laughing. Not this typical, formally laughing. It was a real one.

 

And Jesse started to smile a bit. “Come on, old guy, it wasn't that funny.”

 

“It was. You won't believe it, but a lot of people actually call me like this.”

 

“What? Old grandpa? Probably big sugar daddy... God, Mr. White, you can be so bored.”

 

Mr. White laughed again.

 

When they arrived at the labor, they started working quickly. Jesse tried to let work complete his mind, but it wasn't easy. They were okay – after what he've done, he didn't thought it would be like this. Maybe there was something good in this older man.

 

Jesse looked over to Mr. White, who was working with a big bowl. When he carried it, there were strings of muscles that Jesse hadn't discovered before. Heat started growing down in his stomach, deep down. Rushing over to his limbs, his neck, his back and his chest. He felt hot.

 

Mr. White left the bowl at the place where he had put it, wiping sweat from his forehead and opening his overall a bit. Just such a bit that Jesse was able to look at the pale skin that was covering Mr. Whites neck and throat.

 

_ Fuck, what is that? You're just okay with this. Just now. Stop fucking watching him. Stop it.  _

 

Jesse swallowed hard. He felt his own heat fighting against him, fighting against his head. His head told him to stop. But his body...

 

_ No way. Fucking go home and masturbate, but DO NOT do this. No.  _

 

Jesse still starred. He knew he needed to look away, but his body wasn't able to. He started sweating. 

 

Mr. White started working at another bowl, a smaller one, his sleeves pulled up a bit so Jesse saw the small veins on his wrists. 

 

“Mr. White?”, Jesse said, his voice low and somehow shaking. He started to walk over to Mr. White, slowly and dizzy. His head felt dazed.

 

Mr. White looked up.

 

“What's wrong, son?”, he said with a smile.

 

Jesse stopped just in front of Mr. White. Watched the older man looking at him.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“You're sorry? For what?” Mr White still smiled.

 

Jesse felt tears coming into his eyes, but he didn't care anymore. Not even a bit.

 

“I'm so sorry.”, he whispered again, and with a sudden and forceful movement he roughly clasped his hands around Mr. Whites face and started kissing him. Not the soft kiss he gave him one day ago, no. 

 

This was brutal. Heartbeating. And heating.

 

Jesse felt Mr. White trying to press him away, but Jesse used all his strength to stay this way. He kissed Mr. White again and again, hard, willing and wanting, with all passion and hot blood he had inside of him.

 

And suddenly, there was something.

 

Jesse felt hands on his body, gripping his ribs hard and pushing him onto the wall. Mr. White pressed his body to Jesses, and Jesse moaned.

 

“You want this?”, Mr. White whispered, watching Jesses lips trembling.

 

“Yeah, I want this so bad. Just once. Please, Mr. White, I can't...”

 

A breathless kiss stopped Jesses words, and many followed. Both of them had no place to breath calmly, all the air was gone leaving them breathless.

 

“One time. Not more.”, Mr. White whispered breathless, and Jesse nodded with a moan.

 

“Yeah, god... yeah.” He pulled Mr. White into a deep kiss, feeling hands pulling up his shirt and feeling his own hands traveling down that tall body pressed hard against him.

 


	5. It's all in my head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being such lovely readers! :) I'm so happy about all the kudos and the nice comments... Since I haven't too much time at the moment, updates are slow and I'm sorry for it. Have fun with the next chapter! I hope you like it!

 

The next morning Jesse didn't want to open his eyes. He feels his body aching, contracting through the pain he had last night. But he wanted to lay in bed, as long as the memory of yesterday was fresh and his body still reminded him of it.

 

He moaned softly when he started to remember every detail of what happened...

 

_Mr. Whites hands had been rough and felt different from a girl's hand on his skin; but nothing it all it was the most erotic experience that Jesse ever made. He loved the feeling of Mr. Whites lips on his throat, softly biting each inch of skin he could get. The soft moaning, coming deep out of his throat._

 

“ _You have amazing skin, Jesse, wasn't expecting that...”, was the low voice of Mr. White against his neck, and Jesse threw back his head._

 

“ _God damn, you make me crazy. Less talking more action!”_

 

_Mr. White smiled about these words and lost no time at this point._

 

_Jesse felt the rough fingers pulling his shirt, taking it off over his head. He felt hands moving down his body and opening up his pants in which his hard on begged to be touched so desperately Jesse knew he was going down when the first strike was hitting him._

 

“ _You really want me, don't you? What do we have here...” Mr. White moaned into Jesses ear and cupped on hand around his erection._

 

_Jesse groaned._

 

“ _Mr. White...”_

 

_His body was shaking so hard as if winter had just arrived. He felt his veins pumping hot blood everywhere in his body, from head to toe and even his cheeks got blushed._

 

_The hard strokes were too much to handle. With heavy breathing he tried to open Mr. Whites pants, stealing some thirsty and breathless kisses in between._

 

_He was failing miserably, because Mr. White started speeding up the pace._

 

“ _Fuck, Mr... I- I can't hold it that... I'm...”_

 

“ _You're what? You're coming?”, Mr White said, pressing his heated body against Jesses._

 

“ _Come for me, Jesse.”_

 

_It was like a rough command that left no questions and no begging; Jesse wouldn't have lasted long either._

 

_He came with a soft shout, spurting his heat against the trembling body of Mr. White who was still pressing hard against Jesse._

 

_ It took him a few minutes to become clear again; his body was shaking still too hard to handle it. When Mr. White wanted to leave him, Jesse mumbled.  _

 

“ _Don't. I'll fall down.. please.”_

 

_Mr. White smiled._

 

“ _God, son, seems like you never had a real orgasm, did you?”_

 

_Before he could answere, Jesse felt warm lips on his again..._

 

 

He opened his eyes, and different from all the other times in the morning, the sun wasn't that bad. He exhaled slowly.

 

What came after this kiss was even more sensual and erotic, things happened and stayed at work. Things Jesse thought he would never ever do in life, but he did. And it had been the best feeling in the world.

 

He shortly closed his eyes again.

 

_Don't think too much about it, you'll get horny again. And you know that the deal was: Only this time, no time after._

 

He bit his lips and stood up. Knowing that these intimate things won't happen again were not easy to take on. They were way much more hurting than the time where Jesse thought that Mr. White was talking to him like a stranger. But now?

 

How the fuck should he behave?

 

He showered and drank some coffee. Today was his day off, but what should he do? He remembered the last time he had one day off. He was going out with Pete and getting so damn drunk that he wasn't able to remember where he was. 

 

But he had no intention to that kind of activities today.

 

After sitting still for a while he decided to take a walk. It was a beautiful day and maybe he could show up at Mr. Whites house for a short thank you.

 

Was Skyler at home?

 

Jesse felt something burning inside his heart. Was it pain?

 

Now that Mr. White had touched and felt him THIS way, Jesse was not sure how to deal with the fact that he had been kind of an one night stand. 

 

_Like a hoe. Like a damn bitch. Fuck._

 

Jesse bit his lips again and thought about it, but before he was able to decide what was right and what was for sure wrong, he went outside.

 

His feet were carrying him, he wasn't even thinking about where to go. And after twenty minutes, he saw where he was.

 

He stood right in front of Mr. Whites house.

 

Jesse raised his hand and went through his hair. He had no idea how he looked, if he looked tired or happy or something like that. He didn't really care. And before he could think about stupid girly things like this again, he stood right in front of the door and knocked.

 

He hoped so badly that it was  _him_ opening that door, but then...

 

It was her.

 

She watched him slightly and with hints of condescension. Jesse swallowed.

 

“Yo, good morning Miss... White. Ehm... Is your husband there? I.. I kind of have to talk to him.”

 

She raised one eyebrow.

 

“What do want from him?”

 

“Well, see.. I can't talk about it like right here. It's important. It's because of... school.”

 

_God, what a dumb answer. She'll know you're not in school anymore, idiot._

 

Skyler watched Jesse again, from head to toes, until she exhaled noisy.

 

“He's not here, he's at school. Try to catch him there if it is that important.

 

Jesse rolled his eyes, said a quiet “Thanks, then.” and went away from the door, but he felt that she was starring after him.

 

When he was around the corner, he stopped for a moment.

 

Should he really go to school? Just to say thank you?

 

He knew: when he showed up there, the risk of an angry Walter White was too close to handle.

 

Would it ruin his second chance?

 


End file.
